I am 30 years old!

I love the 80s and 90s - it was my growing up years. Macgyver was my earliest idol, and then I fell in love with NeverEnding Story II's star Jonathan Brandis who eventually killed himself at 26 when movie and TV projects eluded him. "Name game" was my favorite dance and I was a die-hard Japanese anime fan.

And then I turned 30 last November. (This I write screaming hahaha!) It's like that "Armageddon" movie scene when in a second  the actress Liv Tyler was a baby, a pre-teen kid, and then a woman. Whoa time does fly!

As a child, we felt like the world is ours to conquer. But when we graduate after college, start working, get heartaches and disappointments, succeed, fail, and then succeed again, have a family, our sphere begins to have corners. And so I always touch-base with the child in me, because it reminds me that the world, that life, is not square after all.

Rice paddies and vegetable fields surround my earliest memories - I can always remember me and my sisters running behind our house and greeting the sunrise so we can get that wonderful supply of sun-kissed natural vitamin D. As the second of five siblings (all girls!) I  was a quasi-loner-sociable kid - play with me and I am the greatest ally you can get but leave me time alone to mold a mound of clay into a pot and stick an ant or leaves in it for decoration.

In Bulacan, my parents sent me to a public school. Since kindergarten was not so popular then, I was forced to join the grade 1 class as a sit-in or "salingkit". With my small physique, I found it funny that I was a bully - forcing my older classmates to do the seat-work for me. 

The next year, perhaps because I grew 365 days older, I was the most obedient girl in class and ranked first. I even did a portrait of my teacher during class and gave it to her. (A Teacher's Pet yup!) But what my teacher didn't know was when I teach other kids to read, I tend to slap them for reading too slow. Well, people change. 

Hide and seek, drawing on walls, rolling candle tears at the cemetery during All Saints Day, waking up on Christmas mornings, getting scared by stories of aswangs, race climbing trees with friends, travelling from one barangay to another through rice fields, catching frogs and so on.

As I look back and realized that even though my mother cannot even afford me a new shoe every year and had to wear my sister's old one, I did have a great loving family and one amazing childhood! Thank God, thank you nanay and tatay, for that! :)

And now I am 30 - still counting lessons and stars along the way. Here are some:


On Time:

• Time is now moving on the left, overtaking lane. The joke "When you were a kid you want to be a grown-up. But now that you are a grown up, you want to be a kid again" now seems to make sense. 
• Every five minute counts if you are a full time mom with on-the-side jobs.
• An afternoon nap is now a gift to be enjoyed. 

On Emotions:

• My drama-queen's spotlight is fading. Now the lights are on "Mother Teresa." (Though I occasionally put back the spotlight on the first)
• The ego has landed - but it will attempt to make a run-away flight so I always have to check on it regularly, especially on the "Wives, submit to your husband" situations.
• I found myself wiser and more in control of my emotions, but I know there will be times that I will still make boo-boos.

On Dreams:

• So much of my childhood and post-college dreams and ideals have gone - some you shed along the way, especially when you start working and deal with office politics (*wink).
• As a woman, it is but natural to fear for the future. Now there is a need for a more conscious effort to push myself each day to be hopeful and positive, expecting that the best is yet to come.
• As a mother, I just have to accept the fact that some of my dreams are bound to be traded for the good of my family. Oh this one is hard :) 
• Related to the above,  I reserved a list for me achieve! 

On Coming to Terms with Your Body and Aging:

• Wrinkles are natural, it is a friend to welcome each day although I always postpone the invitation using creams and vitamins. :D
• Reduction in looking at glamour magazine does wonders. And perhaps knowing Photoshop convinced me that not everything is real. 
• It is human nature to compare myself with other woman. (I just can't help it!) But I found that a conscious effort to stop the endless measurement raises my self-esteem. 
• Accept, accept, accept. This is the magic word. 

On Family and Marriage

• The romantic days are gone. Now it is friendship and "for better or for worst" love that is setting in - but it doesn't come naturally, it is a process that married couples work on. 
• Passion is a flame that requires constant effort. (Need I say more?) :D  
• When dealing with routine tasks at home (cleaning, cooking, washing etc), a little music and an inspiring podcast can help me find joy in what I do. 
• It is natural to feel tired. I feel tired at the end of the day! What do I do when I feel tired? I reserve the cleaning for the next day and I hug my pillow and snooze!

On Tuning to Myself Despite So Many Music/Noise 

• The negativity will always knock on my door - I guess all moms/wives go through this. That is why it is important to find a reason to smile each day, to feel secure with myself, even though all things seem to be upside down.
• The world does not end when people does not treat me the way I want them to. The heck! I am responsible for my own happiness. (This one is a lesson that requires a memory-enhancer.)
• Praying and writing help me release all my emotions, my negative thoughts. I just let go and get back up again.

And so at 30, I find myself thankful for having a career for the past nine years, leaving it to focus on my family, and being blessed to having a responsible spouse which I do admit I still fight with at times :D I've been through the highs and lows, the valley and the mountain top, the good and the bad. But at the end of the day, perhaps it is living life with arms wide open that matters, like a child welcoming the flight of the butterflies in the middle of a green field. 

I thank God for taking me this far, and who knows where else He will take me? That excites me most. :) As I write this blog I am reminded that there is more to life than what we see, that each day is a gift, each morning brings with it His mercy, each morning is a fresh start, that our dreams to not die, that though life is imperfect, that I am imperfect, He still makes all things new.

At 30, I feel like a child again! :)